Short sharp sentences have their place

Mostly in action sequences. Moving from the first draft to the second of my new manuscript--as yet untitled and waiting to be sent to Orca to see if they like it or not--I'm realising how many of my action sequences can be more suspenseful if I take out conjunctions and write short, crisp sentences.

Instead of: Dad pushes him away, but he comes back, arms swinging, and hits Dad right in the jaw. Dad staggers back, then swings at the man, but he misses and the man bends down and shoves his head right into Dad’s stomach. He pushes Dad backwards until Dad trips over the gunwale of his boat, and falls right into the water.


Now I have:
The man bends down. Shoves his head right into Dad’s stomach. He pushes Dad backwards until Dad trips over the gunwale of his boat.
Dad falls headfirst into the water.
In a second Dad’s boat has roared off. The other boat follows.
Dad’s alone in the water.

Shorter, sharper, stronger. :)

writing lessons for a new year

This is what I have learned about my writing process. With each project I work on, I take it to a certain point, then I need help. I write the best prose I can, then I fire it off to a trusted friend who edits for me. She (it's always a she)finds million ways to improve my writing, to punch it up, to deepen it, to make it more colourful. As soon as she points out these places where my writing can improve I see them immediately. She's right, so right, how did I miss that?

The thing is, I see the path to stronger prose clearly, but only after someone points it out to me. So here's my lesson for the new year: accept this as part of the process. Don't feel stupid about it; embrace it as a valuable gift from a friend and buckle up for the next round. Enough with wishing I could make it past this stage on my own. It's just part of the process.

So a big thanks to all my friends who have taken me past this stage in my writing. Alex, I hope you're reading this. Your editing rocks!